they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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