Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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