Can Purell be used as lube?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
