You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
