I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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