Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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