if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
