just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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