Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
