Soap is not a condiment
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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