dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
