ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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