So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
