it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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