Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
