wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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