also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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