My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
