Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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