I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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