good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
