I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
