I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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