So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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