That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
