I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
