They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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