she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
