i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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