i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
