I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
