My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
