Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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