If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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