Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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