the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
