so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
