I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
