my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
