Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
