I think my vagina is haunted
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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