She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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