he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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