Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
