so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
