yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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