dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
