I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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