well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
