It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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