just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
