my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
